This past year, 2017, was upside down for me just as it was for many others. Still recovering from my 2016 brain aneurysm, my greatest challenge was searching for a new home for Mom. Where to go? What safe options were available?  Why were we as a family straining to come together, and what could we do when we failed to do so? We found a wonderful home at the Jeanne Jugan Center with Kansas City’s Little Sisters of the Poor. Leading up to her move we toured, visited, and volunteered when opportunities arose, all with focus on finding the best new home for Mom.

Bit by bit I worked through each step, not fully understanding what was happening yet trusting each task immediately before me. My sisters Ceci and Roberta did the same, and I tried to always understand what they were going through and again trusting we were all doing what we could. My own strength came from Steve, my partner and best friend who listened, observed, laughed, and loved me unconditionally through every day. My own health issues arose, subsided, sometimes flowed, but frequently stalled in progress. This month, December of 2017, we moved Mom into her lovely home. I’m now ready to start again. Poised for 2018, I need to work on balance. Work challenges will return with typical new changes, and I need to return to each week, each day, simply each class prepared and trusting I’m doing what I need.

Balance: I don’t even know how to imagine that right now. To start, I’ll need to stop the wobbling or at least minimize it if possible. I’ll need to listen better, understanding those rapid conversations swirling around me. Spelling was a silent challenge throughout the year, but I addressed each transposed letter with patience. Just writing in cursive would send me into different spiraled frustrations. With each challenge, I’d be patient. Well, I’d be patient as much as I could. Times when I could not work out the kinks or get out of the floundering, I cried more than others realized. I screamed when only I could hear. I would calm, try again, and tell Steve and now this blank page.

2017 flew by. I taught dozens of students throughout my ten classes, made hundreds of beds as a volunteer, folded clothes and listened to stories of lovely seniors, listened to Mom’s stories, felt her fear and began new conversations to redirect her, graded papers, planned healthy food, ate too much junk food on the go, and just made it through each day. Well, I’m claiming 2017 now as a victory, but I don’t want the same for the new year. I want just a bit more grace and poise for 2018. Again, balance. Whatever new wiring my brain and mindset are undergoing, I know balance is critical. Poised for 2018.

Steve, Mom, and Me — Labor Day Weekend, 2017.